i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
