Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
