so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
