Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
