Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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