Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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