Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
