epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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