Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
