there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
