I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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