Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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