things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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