Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
