sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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