Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
