the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
