I want to make a zoo with you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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