We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
