I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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