Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
