New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
