Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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