last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dick very happy bro
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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