The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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