No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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