I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
