I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
