From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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