just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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