Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
