i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
