just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
