Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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