do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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