i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
