maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
