we have officially lost it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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