a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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