thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
