I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
