the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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