ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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