There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
