I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
