ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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