So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
