I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
