Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
