Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
