Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
