If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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