I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
